This has been such a long week. I kept thinking to myself throughout the week 'tomorrow will be better, tomorrow you will rest' and I really have felt like I'm being drug all over. I'm sure my family feels that way as well! They are the ones driving me around most days.
Lets start with Wednesday. Dr. Wagner (my breast surgeon) read me my pathology report. I am hormone positive in both breasts and HER2 positive in only the right. These are markers they use to determine whether or not you will get chemotherapy treatment first or surgery. Hormone positive is what I have been calling the 'Best of the Bad' news. They know what is feeding the tumors, generally these types of cancers respond well to chemotherapy. So it is chemotherapy first. Dr. Wagner did say that there are tiny masses in my left breast all over. So it is not just one mass like we thought in the beginning. Which was initially hard to swallow. I am stage II-b which Dr. Wagner said is still early stage disease. My lymph nodes on the MRI were still showing no sign of cancer or damage. THIS IS GREAT! They will still take a sentinel node biopsy at the time of surgery and it will be from both armpits.
Thursday. Thursday was a hard day. I meant with Dr. Kahn (my oncologist) who is an incredibly smart man, who I was also afraid that I was not going to like. I had a breast cancer survivor put it in perspective for me today 'You aren't there to get a hug or love from him, you are there so he can treat your cancer' and she was exactly right. I'm feeling the love from all of you and my family and friends that I have reached out to me. I don't need it from my oncologist - but I was blown away. Dr. Kahn came in the room and sat down in front of me and talked to me like I was the only person in the room (Dr. Wagner had warned me that he is not personable, and that he likely will not sit down with you). He stated that my options were to take two types of chemotherapy medicines as well as two types of antibody medicines. I won't explain it, I likely will not do a good job. I just know that I will have 4 infusions through a port once every three weeks. ONLY 6 TIMES GUYS!! Yes it will be rough, but 6 times?! I can do that!! For all the women who have gone before me.... I can do that.
Thursday afternoon I cut my hair. As you know the wedding is quickly approaching however, Dr. Kahn said that the one side affect I can count on is losing my hair. It will be much easier to loose 5 inch strands that 16 inch ones. So I made the decision to cut it. And my hair dresser was wonderful about it and so comforting - I can thank her enough. We are still discussing what to do about the wedding plans, where I will be in treatment, etc. I know that I want to feel good for my wedding day, and to marry my best friend. That is the most important goal we want to have when it comes to that. I can always buy a zebra stripe wig! :-)
Friday (today), Craig and I met with fertility to discuss what options we have for future children. Dr. Kahn did say that I will absolutely have to take Tomoxifen (a hormone suppressant) for 5 years after chemotherapy. This will help my chances of recurrence go down. This will also make my chances of my ovaries producing after that go down. Craig and I will make this decision together, we will talk about it, pray about it, and then move forward. That is the only option we have is to move forward from here on out!
Since fertility takes some time there is one antibody that I am able to start right away and I will have the first infusion of that on Monday morning. I will have my port put in on Thursday morning of next week at KU.
I will not ever be able to express my gratitude for all that everyone has done so far. I can just promise you that one day, when I am better and cancer free I will pay it forward. I will give back as much or more like all of you have given me. Thank you thank you thank you.
xoxo,
Mary Ann