Wrong. Radiation is COMPLETELY different that chemotherapy. Because guess what? It's not chemotherapy. Its radiation. It's EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. Monday through Friday... for 5 long weeks. Its a different mentality that you have to be in to complete radiation. It's hard. Really hard. Mentally. After 2 weeks I was sitting in the parking lot willing myself into the treatment center. Like when you know its time to quit a job and you sit in the parking lot thinking if you wait there long enough for some reason you won't have to go in. My treatments were taking approximately 45-60 minutes - and I was breathing approximately 70 times. I had to hold my breath to receive the radiation so my heart and lungs were out of the way. Well if I dropped my breath, the machine turned off or ''tracked'' they would have me breathe. Typing this makes my stomach hurt because it brings back memories I don't want to remember. Eventually this anxiety ridden girl had an anxiety attack on the radiation table one Friday afternoon and I was ready to never return to the radiation center ever again. Thankfully there was a sweet sweet radiation therapist that came to my rescue. I had never had her as a therapist before but she came running in that room and got me off the table and let me cry on her shoulder for 20 minutes. Then she devised a plan - I would control the breathing. I would hold my breath as long as I could - when I needed to let it out I would, they would reset the machine & we would start over. This I am confident is the only reason that I was able to complete radiation - because of this sweet woman & because I was ''in control''.
My skin at first was doing wonderful. I was using the cream and vitamin E oil that they had recommended. I didn't noticed any dryness or tightening of the skin that they were treating. Remember - both sides of my chest, my sides were my drains were and both armpits. By week three I was starting to get pretty red. For 6 sections of my treatment they would place a boles on my chest which tricks the radiation machine into thinking its going deeper - and it treats more of the surface of the skin. Women who have bilateral mastectomies usually have this because they have no breast tissue to treat - just skin, chest wall, and lymph nodes. This started to burn my skin pretty good. It wasn't bad - I have burnt myself at the pool several times laying out in high school. My chest didn't bother me too much because of that and because I still have little feeling in my chest area. But when my armpits starting burning we were talking about a whole different ballgame. For the last 8 days of radiation my armpits got worse, tighter, and made me more uncomfortable. At this time I had started to try and return to work - I worked 2 weeks and then haven't been back because I am in Craig's tshirts and on pain meds. Your armpits are sensitive, never get any sun, and constantly rub together. There often is no relief. I sleep with my arms propped up on pillows to keep them away from my body. I have to scrub them to get the dead skin off & they are starting to peel - which I hope means not too much longer of this.
But radiation is different. Your body has different reactions. You cannot take Ativan, Compazine & Xanax to sleep through the 5 days you feel terrible, like when you are on chemotherapy. You have to go everyday. It is mentally exhausting & trying. And in my personal experience I would rather have done two more rounds of chemo therapy than to do 5 weeks of radiation again. I have said to many people I will never do chemotherapy again -- I can promise I'll never do radiation again. It may or may not save my life in the long term - it reduces recurrence by 20% and I can only hope and pray I am in that 20%. However it has been the worst part of my cancer treatment thus far because it is not short lived, and it is hard to find relief from the side effects.
Again - DON'T feel sorry for me. I just want you to have a little peak into each part of my journey. I know that I don't update as often - I wanted to wait until radiation was over so that I could give a full reflection. I go for my first fill on the 29th of this month and that will move us closer to the reconstruction process. I will fill my tissue expanders all the way up and likely have my next surgery around the third week of May.
May is filled with fun things for us as a Leach/Lytle family. I have Art Bra on May 1st. I am the youngest survivor at this years event. We model bras that area people have designed - they are auctioned off & all proceeds go to underinsured women for mammograms, lymphedema sleeves, wigs & prothesis. May 8th my pride and joy little brother graduates from college with his degree in Safety Management - he has already had an interview and I am so incredibly proud. May 15th we are celebrating Craig's Dirty Thirty!! And likely the following week I will have surgery. I will post updates and pictures as we celebrate these exciting milestones & likely update more frequently throughout this next surgery.
PS. Kennedy is doing well & when she had her last spinal tap they found NO traces of leukemia in her spinal fluid. The power of prayer is awesome my friends. This allows her to stay on the standard level of treatment. She still has a long road - but she's a fighter.
XOXO,
Mary Ann