As you can see, I have about 20% more hair than my dad now :-). I made the decision to shave it last Saturday, on Thursday it was starting to shed and it was gross to have hair coming out like that so I made the decision to beat the chemo to the punch. I like it, it has cut my shower and get ready time down by probably 50%. I'm sure it will be even more once I get my strength back and can move a lot faster! Today is 8 days post first chemo treatment. And if any of you would have told me on day 3 that I would make it to day 8 I would have thought you were lying to me. I have said before that I am going to be honest about my journey, not for sympathy but for awareness. Lets start from the beginning. On Monday we arrived at the Cancer Center at approximately 9 am where I had my blood drawn and saw Dr. Kahn my oncologist. He gave me the go ahead and so I went upstairs for my infusion. I was given a larger room so that I could lay down. By the time everything was settled, it was probably 12 and they started the first infusion. I received Decadron (a steroid) this was to ensure that I did not have an allergic reaction to one of the chemo drugs. Over the next four hours I received all of the medicines, Herceptin, Carboplatin, Taxetere, and Perjeta. Craig, my mom and I left the center about 4:45. I was exhausted. Even though I was laying in a bed I could not rest or seem to sleep as you have a needle in your port and there is not any way to get truly comfortable. Everyone else's IV machines are going off also so that doesn't make for a peaceful slumber. Maybe next time I will be more used to it. On Tuesday I had to go get a Neulasta shot. This is a white blood cell shot that boosts your immune systems since the previous 5 hours in the center killed it :-). I was feeling okay, not great but decided that I would try and go to work. As the day wore on I became increasingly nauseated and had to use the restroom more frequently than I felt necessary. At approximately 2 pm I went home. I went straight to bed and slept for about 5 hours. When I woke up, I was still nauseated. I began taking the medicine that they had prescribed for nausea and tried to eat something light on my stomach. Over the course of Tuesday night into Wednesday night I grew increasingly more sick, regardless of the medicines that I was taking. It wasn't until Wednesday night that the storm unleashed, in which I was certain I would feel better, however it made me extremely weak. I could not walk with my head up, I had to look at the floor, I laid in bed on my side and ate (and often my mom fed me). I continually asked my mom when this was going to be over and if I was going to make it. She assured me, even when I wasn't asking, that it would pass and that I would be okay. I confessed to her later that I didn't believe her when she told me I was going to make it. In my mind, the way I remember it, the nausea was so intense I didn't know how it could ever go away. She was literally holding me up at times, and for that I'll never be able to repay her. I know throughout the rest of this process there will be more times that her and Craig will need to hold me up. Craig was also by my side getting me anything I needed and laying in bed with me and watching tv when I was awake. He worked to try and save his time, and my mom was off that day anyways. We try to rotate so that no one is burnt out or uses up too much sick time. And we seem to have a good system down so far. The shot of white blood cells also makes your bones hurt, I was extremely stiff for several days during this as well. After Thursday each day has seemed to get better. When I wake up I think I have all of my energy back and then end up napping by 10 am because picking up the house or running one errand takes all I have. And I have over extended myself and done too much, got behind on my nausea medicine and been in bed for several hours. It is a day by day process. I never really know how I'm going to feel hour by hour. I've often felt its like trying to sing a song that you don't know the words to yet. I'm guessing by the end of all of this it won't be my favorite song, but I'll know every word. All of the sweet gifts, continued cards, meals, visitors, and love shared through phone calls or text messages have kept Craig and I going. I know that there are some days when he doesn't know what to do, because he can't take away what I am going through - but I have to say that that door swings both ways. I can't imagine watching the love of my life go through something that neither of us could control. I just know that often Craig and I have some wonderful conversations about life, our love for one another, the support we have, and how we can't wait to see how this journey shapes the rest of our lives. Those are moments that I will cherish when we are old and gray. And I know my parents and brother appreciate everything that everyone has done for them as well. I knew I had a great family before but none of them hesitate and Craig and I are forever grateful that they are here to provide support. Thank you to all of Craig's golf buddies that have kept him busy, that helps us both regain some consistency (except when he's on the golf course I'm not shopping ;)). I can't imagine our lives without all of you in it. We have been humbled and are so grateful. xoxo, Mary Ann (& Craig) |